


Teaspoon :: LOOOOOOO! by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2091276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nine/Ten and Eleven with Rose, Mickey, Jack, Martha, Amy and Rory. Crack Fic. Spanning four Doctors, a joke that just keeps on going and going and going...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3

  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Mickey. Mickey!"  
  
Mickey grunted awake when he heard Jack calling his name. He raised his head and gave him a sleepy look.  
  
"Yeah?" he mumbled.  
  
"Hurry up and get out of bed. Don't talk, just come with me. I have an idea for a practical joke we can play on Rose," he said to Mickey.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  
  
Rose sat on the toilet, thumbing through an issue of Cosmo while she finished peeing. She was looking at some sexy lingerie that the article guaranteed would drive men wild when she heard a furious knocking on the closed wooden door. She looked to her left at the bathroom door when someone kept pounding on it and jiggling the doorknob, trying to open the locked door.  
  
"Damn it, I want in now! I need to pee!" Jack yelled through the door.  
  
"Jack, I'm on the toilet, you'll have to wait!" Rose yelled back.  
  
"Wait? I can't wait, I need the loo now!" Jack moaned.  
  
"Sorry, I'm still on the toilet. It'll take a minute," Rose said before turning her attention back to the article.  
  
She sighed when Jack continued to pound and yell, "LOOOOOO!" at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Bloody Hell, Jack, stop it!" Rose yelled.  
  
"Come on, Rose, he really needs to use the loo," Mickey said.  
  
"Yeah, I gotta pee badly!" Jack said dramatically.  
  
"Stop it!" Rose yelled when both men pounded on the door and yelled, "LOOOO!" before laughing hysterically.  
  
"Yeah, that's really funny that is," Rose muttered as she went back to her article.  
  
"You're being so cruel, Rose. Why you be so mean to me?" Jack said before pounding again.  
  
"The man needs to go to the toilet, Rose!" Mickey added. "How can you be so heartless, huh?"  
  
"Fuck off!" Rose yelled while both men giggled like crazy.  
  
She sighed when both men pounded on the door and yelled, "LOOOOO!" Then she smirked when she suddenly heard the ninth Doctor angrily asking them what they were doing.  
  
"We need to use the loo and Rose is being stingy," Jack said.  
  
"I'm using the toilet right now, Doctor, but they're banging on the door and screaming at me to get out," Rose yelled. "Tell them to piss off before I rip the toilet out of the floor and beat them with it!"  
  
There was silence but Rose could hear the men's low voices while they talked outside the door. She watched the door, wondering what was going on and she narrowed her eyes when she heard the men snickering. Then suddenly the pounding started again.  
  
"Rose!" Nine said, pounding on the door while Jack and Mickey laughed. "Rose, ya gotta let me in. I need the loo, it's an emergency!"  
  
"Will you leave me alone?" Rose said while the men laughed.  
  
"Okay," Jack said, "1…2…3!"  
  
Rose threw up her hands when the three men screamed, "LOOOOO!" before erupting into another fit of giggles.  
  
"I wish sometimes I wasn't the adult on this ship," Rose muttered as the three men continued to howl with laughter just outside the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	2. Chapter 2

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3

  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Martha breathed a sigh of relief when she closed the bathroom door and walked towards the toilet. The TARDIS finally managed to repair the damage the Master had done and she was back home with the Doctor and Jack. Her body was stiff and tired and she felt like she'd aged a million years from all the stress and stain over the past year. Sitting down on the toilet and emptying her bladder felt good and after it she was going to take a shower and finally go to sleep in her own bedroom again.  
  
While she was emptying her bladder and staring at the wall in front of her, she suddenly heard snickering outside the closed door. Then she gasped when someone began pounding frantically on the door.  
  
"Martha! You gotta let me in, it's an emergency!" the Tenth Doctor said through the door.  
  
"Why? What's wrong?" Martha yelled. "Oh my God, is it the Master again?"  
  
"No, it's my bladder, it needs to be voided. SO OPEN UP!" he yelled, pounding.  
  
"I'm on the toilet, Doctor. I'll be out in a minute!" Martha yelled.  
  
"But the Doctor's bladder is not like yours, Martha. It's thimble sized, he needs to go to the loo!" Jack said through the door.  
  
Martha stared at the door in shock when both men screamed, "LOOOOOO!" before laughing hysterically.  
  
"Okay…" Martha murmured to herself.  
  
She sighed when the pounding continued.  
  
"I'LL BE OUT IN A BLEEDIN' MINUTE, ALRIGHT?" Martha yelled.  
  
"But my thimble sized bladder will be empty by then," the Doctor said as he stopped pounding. "And then I will wet myself and I'll be sad. You don't want me to be sad, do you, Martha?"  
  
"Yeah, you don't want him to be sad, do you, Martha?" Jack said.  
  
"Why are you here, Jack?" Martha said.  
  
There was a short pause.  
  
"Um…to catch the pee in case he goes before you get out?" Jack said while the Doctor sniggered.  
  
Martha sighed when the pounding and "LOOOOO!" resumed.  
  
"Bloody Hell, how old are you?" Martha yelled.  
  
The pounding stopped.  
  
"I'm 903 but what does that have to do with my bulging bladder that's threatening to explode all over my person?" the Doctor said.  
  
"It has to do with your maturity level and you and Jack are acting like little babies!" Martha said.  
  
"But I need to gooooo…"  
  
Martha stared at the door when the Doctor drew out the O in go for thirty seconds before he fell silent. Then the pounding started again.  
  
"STOP IT!" Martha yelled.  
  
"Hey, Doctor?"  
  
"Yes, Jack?"  
  
"Watch this," Jack said before singing loudly and off-key…  
  
"LOO, LOO, SKIP TO MY LOO. LOO, LOO, SKIP TO MY LOO. LOO, LOO, SKIP TO MY LOO! SKIP TO MY LOO, MY DARLING!"  
  
"ARRRRRGH!" Martha yelled when Doctor joined in and both man sang, "LOO, LOO, SKIP TO MY LOO!" as loudly as they could.  
  
Martha finished up on the toilet and flushed it. She pulled up her pants and trousers, washed her hands and flung open the door. The two men stopped singing and smiled warmly at her while she gave them a look of death.  
  
"All done then? Super! Let me and my bladder go by then."  
  
"By all means," Martha muttered as she came out of the room.  
  
Both men giggled and gave her hugs.  
  
"We're just taking the mickey out of ya, Jones. No harm, no foul?" the Doctor said.  
  
Martha rolled her eyes and grinned.  
  
"Yeah, no harm, no foul," she said.  
  
"Brilliant! Enjoy whatever you're gonna do next. Harkness? Another chorus?"  
  
"Most certainly!" Jack said.  
  
Martha shook her head and chuckled when both men went back to the console room singing Skip To My Loo at the top of their lungs.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: LOOOOOOO! by cheri

Chapter Three

Rory was sitting on the sofa in the TARDIS living room, reading a book when the Eleventh Doctor walked in.

"Rory! Just the man I wanted to see!" he said, walking over to him.

"Is something wrong?" Rory asked, setting the book aside.

"No, no, no, just time to let you in on a tradition that goes back two versions of me. Interested?"

"What do I have to do?" Rory said, getting up from the sofa.

"Nothing much, just bring your sense of humor and a bit of creativity. Just follow me and I'll explain," he said, putting an arm around Rory.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Amy groaned as she sat on the toilet. She was in her fifth month of pregnancy and she felt like she had to pee nonstop. She relaxed and sighed as her bladder emptied. Then she let out a startled yell when someone started pounding on the door.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, POND!" the Doctor yelled as he pounded.

"What? I'm on the toilet!" Amy said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing much, just gotta go to the loo," the Doctor said.

"Yeah, he has to go badly," Rory said.

"Okay, so what am I s'posed to do about it?" Amy said.

She gasped when both men pounded on the door, screaming "LOOOOO!" at the top of their lungs.

"Bloody Hell, I'll be out in a minute!" Amy yelled.

"But if I wait a millisecond more my bowels will erupt and I'll be soiled and wet," the Doctor said.

"Well, be soiled and wet then," Amy said. "I'm pregnant and I need to go right now."

"That's not being a good companion, Amy," the Doctor said. "That's being belligerent and rude."

"Sorry, need it more than you do," Amy said.

She sighed when both men pounded and screamed, "LOOOOOO!"

"I DON'T CAAAAAAAARE!" Amy screamed back. "Wet yourself and see if I come out!"

"Amy, if you don't let him use the loo, I will divorce you!"

Amy stared at the door while the two men snickered.

"You don't wanna go through a messy divorce because of me and my bladder, do ya, Pond?" the Doctor said.

"Right, like you'd divorce me over this," Amy said.

"Oh, I would. I'm definitely the companion who kisses the Doctor's arse around here and whatever the Doctor wants, he gets," Rory said.

"Sorry, there are other toilets in this ship, I've seen them," Amy said airily.

"But this is the first toilet the TARDIS ever had, it has sentimental value to me," the Doctor said while Rory giggled. "Besides, the seat has my arse groove in it and I need the arse groove so I can be comfy while I go to the loo!"

"LOOOOOOOO!" both men yelled as they pounded on the door.

"Damn it, I'm pregnant and hormonal and you don't want me angry at you just now!" Amy yelled at them.

"Oooooh, no, I soiled myself," the Doctor moaned.

"He soiled himself, Amy!" Rory said. "It smells and his trousers are brown and it's your fault."

"Oh well!" Amy said airily.

"Hey! I have an idea! I'll sonic the lock!" Amy heard the Doctor say.

"You do and you'll have to sonic my fist in your face next!" Amy yelled. "Don't you dare come in here while I'm on the toilet!"

"Oh come on, it's not the first time I saw a companion on the bog!" the Doctor said. "I need to wash out my smalls now so open up!"

"Right!" Amy muttered as she finished up. "You asked for it!"

She quickly wiped herself, flushed the toilet, pulled up her pants and trousers, washed her hands and flung open the door.

"I went poopies," the Doctor said, pointing to the back of his trousers.

Amy tried to be mad at them but the impish look on the Doctor's face made her smile and she chuckled when the Doctor tousled her hair affectionately.

"Sorry, this is sort of a tradition now," the Doctor said. "Was started by an old friend of mine several years ago. Gotta do it at least once per regeneration now."

"Yeah, well, I shoulda known my boys would team up to play pranks on me," Amy said.

Rory put his arm around her and kissed her lips and the Doctor smiled while the three of them walked back to the console room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Clara ran inside the TARDIS, her bladder nearly bursting after hours of holding it in. She and the Twelfth Doctor had just escaped from a dungeon on a distant alien planet and she refrained from using the filthy toilet in their cell for fear of catching some weird alien disease.

She didn't wait for her friend as she sped out of the console room and headed for the nearest toilet. She went to the first bathroom she saw, sped inside, slammed the door and locked it and quickly pulled down everything before setting down on the toilet seat with a sigh and releasing the contents of her aching bladder.

"Thank God," she murmured as the splatter of pee hitting the water reached her ears.

She sat for a moment in relief and meditation, thankful to be back on the TARDIS when she suddenly heard a knock on the bathroom door. Her head jerked towards the door as the knocking continued.

"Clara, open up, I need to go to the loo!" the Doctor yelled through the door.

Clara did a double take.

"Um…I'm using it at the moment and there are other toilets in here, Doctor. I've seen them," she said.

She gasped when the pounding increased and the Doctor screamed, "LOOOOOOO!" through the door.

"Doctor, what the hell?" Clara said.

"I GOTTA USE THE LOOOOOOO!" the Doctor wailed through the door.

"There's another toilet, Doctor, go find it!" Clara said.

"But I love this one! LOOOOOOO!"

Clara stared at the door in silent shock. Since his regeneration, the Doctor had acted completely different from the last one and she wondered if the reset had unhinged his mind. She gasped when the Doctor pounded on the door and screamed, "LOOOOOO!" at her and she quickly got off the toilet seat, pulled up her pants and trousers and flushed the toilet.

"I'm going, I'm going!" Clara said as she hurriedly washed her hands.

She unlocked the door and flung it open, hoping the Doctor wasn't going to trample her on the way in. Instead, she found him standing there, giggling softly and she stared at him in complete confusion.

"Ah, that never gets old," the Doctor said to himself while Clara stared at him in total silence.

"What?" Clara said.

The Doctor smiled warmly.

"Just a very old practical joke I like to play on my companions," he said, patting her on the shoulder. "After the events of today, I thought we could use a bit of lighthearted shenanigans."

Clara visibly relaxed.

"Thank God, I thought you were going off your trolley there for a moment," she said.

"Me? No, I went off my trolley centuries ago. But I hope I didn't scare you."

"No, I'm just glad you're still in your right mind. Anyway, let me get out of your way," Clara said, stepping aside.

"That? No, I already went. Just teasing you. See you in the console room, then?"

Clara nodded and the Doctor gave her another pat on the shoulder before turning and walking towards the console room.


End file.
